Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
