i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
