Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
