I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
