found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
