grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Watching her eat just hurts me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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