Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
