i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
