the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
