my phone needs a breathalizer
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize