I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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