so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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