foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
