dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
