The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
