Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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