I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
party gras won. party gras always wins.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
