You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
