I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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