I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is Oprah even human
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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