I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
