Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
