Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
