true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize