Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
