shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
