Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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