Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
