On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
