this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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