I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
