oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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