I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
