Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize