hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Who died my cat blue again?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
