you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
