I could make wine with my vomit
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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