he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
