Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
