i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
