mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
