Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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