I think im going to throw up on grandma
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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