Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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