if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Alive.
So much puke
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
