his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
