I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I stole a fireplace last night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
