i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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