Ambien. No doubt about it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
