Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
