i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize