So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
