2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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