he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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