First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
