I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
