I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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