I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
