I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Randomize
