Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
