dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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