Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
