we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
