You just made me feel so damn special
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize