I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Someone came in the potted fern
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
