I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize