I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
