I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
