There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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