M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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