rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Couch. On fire.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
