just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
