alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
