It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You're like the curious george of whores
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
