dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
