Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
