Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize