I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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